It all started on Monday, when I read on AE that Brooke Smith was fired from Grey’s Anatomy. At first, I thought that it was a joke, but unfortunately it wasn’t. I love Grey’s Anatomy, I think it’s one of the best shows on TV at the moment, the writing is superb, and there are some amazing actors on that show, one of them being Brooke Smith. I had just began to like her character, and not just because last week, she suddenly saw leaves (careful, spoilers!), but because she was interesting and complex and at times made it actually very hard to like her. Not to mention, of course, that she was involved with another woman. So thank you, GA producers, for firing someone who made your show worth watching.

And then Proposition 8 passed in California, which practically means a ban on gay marriage. And gay marriage wasn’t only banned in California, but in Florida and Arizona as well.

Of course, you might wonder why I feel so strongly about this, even if I’m not affected by it. Well, first of all, this ban affects people I know and care for and who, at the moment, don’t even know what their legal status is, whether they are still married or whether the ban means that their marriage is now void. And secondly, I actually am affected by it, because their rights are being stripped from those people because they are gay, and in the days of globalization, if there’s discrimination against gays somewhere in the world, all of us are affected by it.

But it wasn’t even the passing of Prop. 8 itself which angered me so much. It was the realization that nobody can take away the right to get married from me because – other than the people in California – I never even had that right in the first place. Of course, I could get married, but only to someone from the opposite sex. Even though our constitution includes the principle of equality, it’s not applicable for sexual orientation. Which is somehow understandable, because it was written in 1949, a time in which homosexuality was still considered an illness. But that was almost 60 years ago, and times have changed, and a constitution can be amended if there was a will to do it. And that’s exactly the problem.

7 years ago, in 2001, Germany implemented the so-called “Registered Partnership”. The partnership granted certain rights to the couples, like visitation rights and the right of residence. But it also brought along a lot of commitments, and whereas straight, married couples get tax incentives for taking on the same commitments, gay couples don’t. As a result, a lot of couples refrained from registering, prompting opponents of gay marriage to argue that the gay community obviously isn’t interested in getting married in the first place. Another thing the partnership doesn’t include is the right to adopt a child. I remember seeing a politician that I liked and that I had voted for justifying this with the well-being of the child. I do believe that it’s not easy for a child to have gay parents, but isn’t that still better than having NO parents? Obviously not, according to the representatives that I voted for and that are being paid from my taxes.

When I thought about all these things this week, for the first time in my life I understood what people mean when they say that they feel like second-class citizens, and I got angry. I know that I’m still better off than a lot of people who are still being discriminated against daily, who have to fear for their jobs or even their well-being if they come out. But that was my head telling me that. In my heart, I was still angry.

But fortunately, there was a ray of light on the horizon, something that made me feel better again. And that was my colleagues’ reaction. I had told them about Proposition 8, and all day on Wednesday, when it was still too close to call whether it had passed or not, people came up to me and asked what the current status was. They willingly listened to me ranting, and expressed their regrets and even tried to comfort me after it was clear that it had passed. I think that before they knew me, most of them never even thought about gay rights, but now it’s something they keep an eye on and care about.

With straight allies like them, equality is getting closer.

Someone who was seriously, majorly pissed off by the passing of Proposition 8 was Melissa Etheridge, and in her own, unique style, she let the world know about it. You can read what she wrote here: You Can Forget My Taxes.
And if you happen to have a suggestion for a new name for the column – the current one unfortunately is too long and not unproblematic regarding the copyright – please don’t keep it a secret.

(Posted on eurOut on November 8th, 2008)