Since I’m a hopeless romantic and I know that most of you are, too, I chose a very romantic theme this time: Kisses.

There are all sorts of kisses, and we’ve probably seen them all: From a couple’s first kiss that marks the beginning of a love story, to a goodbye kiss before lovers have to go their separate ways, from kisses that openly celebrate a love, to secret kisses exchanged by two people who have to hide their love.

But which one is your favourite? Which one do you think was the most romantic, passionate, sexy, gentle, or maybe just the most unexpected? Here’s your chance to let us know.

You can vote for any kiss that ever happened on-screen – i.e. in a movie, on TV or on a web series – between two women, two men or a man and a woman. You can either name the characters or the actresses/actors. Apart from the movie/TV show/web series the kiss was on, please also include a brief description of the relevant scene, especially if the characters had more than one kissing scene. In case of a TV show or web series, it’d be great if you could also name the episode or at least the season.

Make sure to submit your vote before midnight on Sunday, July 11 (CET), and please only vote once.

If you don’t have any ideas, here are some suggestions:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “The Body” (Season 5, Episode 16):
After Buffy’s mother Joyce died unexpectedly, Tara kissed Willow to comfort her

Ellen, “Roommates” (Season5, Episode 3):
After Ellen came out, her best friend Paige had problems accepting it.
When she finally came around, Ellen took revenge in her own sweet way.

Stargate SG-1: THIS kiss actually never made it to the screen,
but  Sam Carter and Jack O’Neill did kiss on screen several times.
(And yes, I am a Sam & Jack shipper!)

Alles wird gut: During a boat trip, Nabou loses her patience with Kim and jumps over board.
Kim is forced to make a decision, and eventually follows Nabou.

Update:

Okay, okay, I give in and admit that it was probably a bit mean of me to ask you to only pick one scene. Okay, maybe even very mean. So, instead of having to fill out a form and send it just post your THREE favourite scenes (with the names of the couple involved, the title of the movie/TV show/web series, and a brief description of the scene) in the comments section.

Until March 5th, participants of AfterEllen’s latest survey can enter up to 10 names of characters they think made an impact, changed the perception of lesbian and bi women by the media and/or audiences, or just moved them in a significant way.

So, here is my list. I listed them in chronological order, which means that the ones in the top spots are not necessarily my favorites, and vice versa. I think you could say that I like them all equally – well, except for one.

Idgie Threadgoode, “Fried Green Tomatoes” (1991)

Ever wondered why “bee_charmer” is such a popular user name on lesbian message boards and websites? It is because of her: Idgie Threadgoode (Mary Stuart Masterson). Even though the producers tried hard to “de-gay” the storyline, it was obvious even without knowing the book by Fannie Flagg which the movie was based on that Idgie was “one of us”, and that her relationship with Ruth was more than just friendship. Passionate, stubborn, loyal and kindhearted as she was, she charmed not only the bees and Ruth, but also movie audiences, and made “Fried Green Tomatoes” one of the most popular lesbian movies of all times.

Ellen Morgan, “Ellen” (1997/1998)

It if it weren’t for Ellen DeGeneres and her quirky yet loveable alter ego Ellen Morgan, I would probably still try to tell myself that I just have not found the right man yet. That’s why, if I had to pick only one, she would be my choice for all-time favorite lesbian character.

Tara Maclay, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” (1999 – 2002)

Gentle and sweet, yet strong and feisty when it mattered, Tara Maclay (Amber Benson) was so much more than just Willow Rosenberg’s girlfriend. When she was shot by Warren, my heart broke, and it took a while before I could forgive Joss Whedon. (Alright, to be honest, as brilliant as he is, I’m still a little mad at him.)

Willow Rosenberg, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” (1999 – 2003)

She went from nerd to powerful witch to “I’m going to skin people alive and destroy the world because I don’t know how to deal with my girlfriend’s death” and managed to return from it. If there was ever a strong female character with an interesting character arc, it was Willow Rosenberg (Alyson Hannigan).

Rosalie Butzke, “Berlin, Berlin” (German TV show; 2002/2003)

Rosalie, oh Rosalie. Even though she only appeared in the very first of five seasons of one of the best German TV shows ever, she is still my favorite character. Rosalie Butzke (Sandra Borgmann) was the first “real” lesbian character I came across on German TV. She had a big mouth, but an equally big heart and would do everything for her friends. Her sexuality was never questioned, nor was it ever a big deal, except for a hilarious verbal exchange she had with main character Lolle when they first met. (They kept calling each other “dyke” and “country bumpkin”, respectively.) After she left, the show just wasn’t the same anymore.

Lucy Diamond, “D.E.B.S.” (2004)

An alleged super-villain who turns out to be a regular – very sexy, but still regular –  girl, Lucy Diamond (Jordana Brewster) got her heart broken once too often and is now too scared to even go on a blind date. But all that changes when Lucy meets Amy and falls in love with her. Lucy is willing to do everything to win Amy over – even give up crime.

Bette Porter, „The L Word“ (2004-2009)

Strong and powerful on the surface, Bette (Jennifer Beals) tried to keep everything – and everyone – under control and failed miserably. She cheated on both Tina and Jodi, she had an affair with a student, and she even went as far as kidnapping her daughter during a custody battle she had with Tina. There were times when she made it very difficult for viewers to like her, and there were times when her own vulnerability became so obvious that it was hard not to feel sympathetic for her. (Plus, just thinking about her in one of her power suits makes me drool.)

Carla von Lahnstein, “Verbotene Liebe” (2003 -* )

For six years, Carla Sophia Gräfin von Lahnstein (Claudia Hiersche) had to endure whatever spine-crawling ideas the writers of German soap opera „Verbotene Liebe“ came up with, but she always managed to retain her dignity. Her girlfriend died in her arms; she was forced into marrying a man by her father; her wife’s ex-husband took hostages at their wedding; while she was pregnant, her wife fell in love with the sperm-donor; and all the while her brother Ansgar made intrigues and even managed to get her arrested and locked up. Even though she once went astray and cheated on her wife, Carla went through all of this with her head held high. Furthermore, she never once questioned her sexuality and, after being outed by her brother, she was out and proud. Carla deserves every bit of happiness she seems to have finally found with Stella. May they live happily ever after.

(* Because Claudia Hiersche has not officially left the show, I did not include an end date.)

Arizona Robbins, “Grey’s Anatomy” (2009 – )

A pediatric surgeon with rolls under her shoes and authority issues – judging from that description, it would seem unlikely that Arizona Robbins (Jessica Capshaw) is one of the most mature characters on Grey’s Anatomy. But when it comes to her work or her girlfriend Callie, people do well to take Arizona seriously.  She stands up for her little patients, and she stood up for Callie when her father came to try and “pray away the gay”. She is not flawless, of course, and even lied to Callie once when she thought that she could not handle a situation, but she tries hard to be a “good man in a storm” and the best person – and girlfriend – she can be.

Those are my nine nominees, and there is room for one more on the list. Any suggestions who I should add? And who are your nominees?

And now – enjoy!

Adele Spitzeder

You might wonder about this long introduction and what this story has to do with eurOut or my column. The reason why I’m writing about this is because there was one phrase in the transcript that I stumbled upon immediately and that confuses me to this day: that the friend who helped Adele was “a lesbian friend”.

It confuses me because I have no idea what the sexual orientation of the friend has to do with the story, unless it was to imply that the two women were lovers and therefore people would believe the friend even more willingly, but then why not call her “lover” instead of “lesbian friend”?

And it confuses me because I’m uncertain of what to make of this example of “lesbian visibility” and how to respond to it. Should I cheer that the fact that the woman was a lesbian wasn’t concealed but mentioned in this public speech by a politician? Or should I write an angry letter because that lesbian is being portrayed as a criminal? Which of course she was, but which doesn’t have anything to do with her sexual orientation, does it?

I have been struggling with this for a while now, the uncertainness about how I’m supposed to respond to things like that as a lesbian. Is there something like “lesbian political correctness”? And if there is, who establishes the rules?

Ever since I started reading lesbian magazines and websites, I have noticed a tendency to condemn certain kinds of storylines, reports or articles in the media. We seem to be very critical, and not only with straight writers, producers, journalist etc., but also within our own community. We don’t want the same old clichés, like the one that says that in a lesbian couple, one has to be the “man” and one the woman, the one that all lesbians want to have children and of course the one that when things get rocky, we happily seek refuge in the arms of a man. We don’t want any negative portrayals of lesbians, and of course, we don’t want any of our favourite lesbian characters to die. If any of this happens, we’re very quick with screaming that those storylines and/or portrayals are either homophobic or misogynic or both, we write sarcastic articles or angry emails, and most of all, we want all lesbians to be as angry and annoyed about this as we are. Judging from that, I probably should have written that angry letter to the above mentioned mayor for invoking the picture of a “lesbian criminal” in his audience.

But while I agree that visibility doesn’t help us if it only confirms the same old clichés about lesbians, there are some things that I’d like to take into consideration. For example, how much of an improvement most lesbian storylines actually are. Less than 20 years ago, there was barely any lesbian visibility in the media, and there are still a lot of countries in the world, even in Europe, in which homosexual content is either not shown at all or hidden in the late night program. Today, we even have a show like “The L Word” that – thanks to the internet – can be seen all over the world, and even if we don’t like some of the decisions Ilene Chaiken has taken regarding the storylines, we should still give her kudos, because without her, we would still bemoan the lack of a “lesbian TV show”.

Also, not every negative portrayal or storyline that ends badly for a lesbian character is necessarily driven by homophobia or ignorance. As much as I hated Joss Whedon for killing Tara on “Buffy”, I knew he didn’t do it because he was homophobic, but he did it for the sake of the storyline. (I was kicked out of a Willow/Tara fan message board for saying that, but honestly, who didn’t like big bad, ass-kicking Willow in the last few episodes of season 6?) But most of the times, less gifted writers than Joss Whedon probably revert to the same old clichés for one reason only – a lack of imagination.

And last but not least, if we want a somewhat realistic portrayal of lesbian life in the media, we also have to accept that there are criminal lesbians and that bad things don’t always happen because of the sexual orientation. A few weeks ago, in an episode of German crime drama series “Tatort” a lesbian lawyer was murdered, but not because she was a lesbian, but because she knew something that could have get the killer – a young girl – into trouble with her very strict parents.

Of course, there are some things that are completely unacceptable even in my opinion. For example, if German TV channel RTL in fact changed a video interview with actress Ulrike Röseberg and her co-star Andre Dietz of the soap opera “Alles was zählt” to make it look like they were into each other when in fact, in the original version, actress Ulrike Röseberg made it clear that she is a lesbian, and this happened after the link to the interview was posted on various lesbian websites, among them eurOut. But there’s still a huge grey area of lesbian storylines that I don’t want to condemn so easily.

So, in conclusion, if there is something like “lesbian political correctness”, it looks like it’s hard to grab and that we should all come up with our own definition of it, based on our own values and beliefs. In the end, I guess we all want the same thing: to get rid of the old clichés by means of realistic portrayals in the media and – ultimately – finally be taken seriously as women and lesbians.

As for the mayor and his speech, I decided to let it go for a certain reason. By the end of his speech, he asked his mostly male audience to finally pay attention to the female majority of citizens and let them advance to the higher management ranks. As a woman who works with mostly male colleagues in a company in which only one woman has made it to the top management level besides the board of directors, I couldn’t help but applaud this.

Pictures: graumarktinfo.de, AfterEllen, whedon.info

Posted on eurOut on March 1st, 2009