The movie is about a lesbian couple who has been together for almost 20 years and who raise two kids together almost as if it was the most normal thing in the world. As Dorothy Snarker describes it in her review: “They live a happy upper middle-class existence with a nice house and Volvo SUV.” So far even better.

Now add to that the fact that the couple is played by two Oscar-nominated actresses called Annette Bening and Julianne Moore, and you would think that all the lesbians in the world would squeal with glee, wouldn’t you?

Nic (Annette Bening, left) and Jules (Julianne Moore)

Well, they aren’t. Because during the course of “The Kids Are All Right”, one of the lesbians sleeps with a man.

I have to admit that when I first read about this particular element of the storyline, I was disappointed. Another lesbian who goes back to sleeping with men? How original. But then I read the first review of the movie, and it was full of praise. As was the next one, and the one after that, and almost every review I have read so far, and not just in mainstream publications like the New York Times, but even on specifically lesbian websites like Velvetpark and AfterEllen.

And then I started to read the comments posted under those reviews, and the discussions about the movie on Twitter, and – oh my!

I did expect lesbians to take offence at one of the women sleeping with a man. Anyone who knows a thing or two about lesbians and claims to not see the political aspect of this part of the movie or doesn’t expect a lesbian backlash is naive. (Sorry Lisa Cholodenko, but that’s how I see it.) But I’m utterly bewildered by how this discussion is taking place, by the intensity of the arguments and by the vehemence with which people condemn and dismiss a movie which – and that, to me, is the most incomprehensible part – the vast majority of them haven’t even seen!

And that’s when I started to ask myself: What are we so scared of?

One of the main complaints about this movie is that the filmmaker sold out to win over a mainstream, especially male audience, and that this mainstream audience will get the impression that it only needs the right man to turn every lesbian straight – a stereotype that most lesbians were confronted with and had to struggle against for ages. Would it be harmful for the lesbian community and its struggle for acceptance, if that was in fact the case? Yes, it would. Is it in fact the case? I have no idea, because I haven’t seen the movie. But the majority of those who have seen it tell me it’s not, so for now, I decide to take their word for it.

Another argument I have read is that in general, female homosexuality isn’t taken seriously, and that, by having the lesbian sleep with a man, the movie diminishes lesbian sexuality – lesbians don’t sleep with men, or they aren’t lesbians. Period.

First of all, I don’t think that it’s just female homosexuality and lesbian sexuality that is not taken seriously, it’s women and their sexuality in general. Also, I initially got the point of saying that a “real” lesbian would never sleep with a man. It’s what we have been trying to tell people for ages when being confronted with the above mentioned stereotype (“it only needs the right man”), and it’s what lesbians generally define themselves by.

But when I read this argument over and over again, the exclusivity expressed in this statement made me cringe, and I suddenly started to wonder if it’s not actually us and this line of argument that doesn’t take our own sexuality seriously. We prefer to love and sleep with women, that’s why we define ourselves as lesbians, but as grown-ups, we are free to love and sleep with whomever we choose, and if one day that’s a man, it should be up to us whether we will stop defining ourselves as lesbians or not.

Last but not least, an argument that actually saddens me is that American lesbians – especially the one who made the movie as well as the ones who wrote positive reviews about it – just don’t get it. Silly me, here I thought that lesbians all over the world have to deal with the same stereotypes. I didn’t expect this to be a “Who is the better lesbian” contest.

As I have mentioned before, yes, it does bother me to know that one of the lesbians in the movie sleeps with a man, and I think that it is important to point out the possible impact a storyline like that can have and to have a discussion about that storyline, the movie in general and how the lesbian characters are being portrayed. I just wish that people would actually go and WATCH THE MOVIE before condemning it.

And I wish that lesbians would finally stop being so scared, but instead be out, proud and self-confident and realize that nobody can take that away from us unless we let them.

k.d. lang performs “Hallelujah”

The 2010 Winter Olympics were kicked off with a big, yet moderate opening ceremony last Friday. Among the artists who were chosen to perform at the event were popular Canadian singers Nelly Furtado and Sarah McLachlan, but one of the most notable performances was the one by out singer k.d. lang, who moved the audience in the BC Place stadium and two billion TV viewers from all over the world with her powerful interpretation of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”.

A video of the performance is available online (h/t @SpiritedMuse for the link), but unfortunately only on the NBC website, where it is restricted to viewers within the United States. Videos that were uploaded to YouTube and other websites had to be taken down by request of the International Olympic Committee.

But of course, the Winter Olympics are not (only) about performances at the opening ceremony, but about sports. If you are interested in skiing, biathlon, figure skating and the like and want to know which women you might want to look for, AfterEllen has put together a list of out females athletes who will be competing in Vancouver.

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Don’t you just love it when you are given the chance to get a glimpse of what was going on behind the scenes of one of your favourite TV shows? Well, even if you don’t, you might still be interested in “The L Word Book”. During her six years on the show, actress Jennifer Beals kept a photographic journal of the cast and crew which she is now making available to the fans as well. The book does not only include 400 never-before-seen photos, but also other things like bits of scripts, callsheets and production memos.

“The L Word Book” can now be ordered from the official website, lwordbook.com. The proceeds from the book will go to several different charities.

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Even though the program schedule of German TV channel ARD was dominated by coverage of the Winter Olympics this week, it does not mean that its serial lesbians got a chance to take a breather.

On “Verbotene Liebe”, Carla and Stella said goodbye to family and friends to set off for the next stage of their journey together – marriage. Tuesday’s episode brought not only the two-week-long guest appearance by actresses Claudia Hiersche (“Carla”) and Anne Wis (“Stella”) to an end, but most likely the storyline itself. There has been no official confirmation that there will be no further guest appearances, but judging from the send-off they got and also from the fact that their names disappeared from the cast list on the official website this week as well, it seems more and more unlikely that they will return any time soon, if at all.

Goodbye, “Starla”: Actresses Claudia Hiersche (left) and Anne Wis

With Carla and Stella gone, it is time for Kerstin and Juliette on “Marienhof” to hurry up a little and finally get involved in order to prevent a void of lesbian couples on German soaps. (By the way, have the fans agreed on a name by now? Is it “Keriette” or “Kerstiette”?)

Unfortunately, Kerstin is still fighting her attraction to Juliette and is trying to prove to Juliette, the world and most of all herself that she is still in love with Raul and wants to be with him. Of course, Juliette is hurt by Kerstin’s behaviour, and it gets more and more difficult for them to work together, until the tensions finally become unbearable and they get into a bitter quarrel at the bakery…

Speaking of “Marienhof”, the girls of “Back Dat” will soon be joined by another lesbian. According to the official website, out singer Lucy Diakovska of the German band “No Angels” has just filmed two guest appearances, which will air in April and May, respectively. She will play a photographer who comes to the bakery to take pictures of Juliette and her chocolates.

Lucy Diakovska (left) with Maike von Bremen, who plays Juliette
(Picture: Das Erste)

While Carla and Stella are and Juliette and Kerstin will (hopefully) soon be happy together, things are not looking good for the lesbians on the German “Lindenstraße” and the British teenage drama “Skins”. On “Lindenstraße”, Steffi is still determined to open a chocolate shop. In order to get the money she needs, she starts to work for a drug dealer. When Tanja finds out about it, they get into a fight. Over in Bristol, the relationship of teenagers Emily and Naomi is on the rocks as Emily is unable to cope with the fact that Naomi cheated on her. (You can find recaps of the “Naomily” storyline both on AfterEllen and eurOut.)

And in the U.S., it looks like Callie and Arizona (“Grey’s Anatomy”) will soon not be the only lesbian couple on American network TV anymore. As AfterEllen reports, there will be a lesbian storyline on “Desperate Housewives”, starting this Sunday.

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“The Kids Are Alright”, the new movie by “High Art” director Lisa Cholodenko, won the Teddy Award 2010 for “Best Feature Film” at the Berlin International Film Festival. The movie is about a lesbian couple, played by Annette Bening and Julianne Moore, whose life gets complicated when their teenage children track down their biological father (Mark Ruffalo). You can read more about the award and the other lesbian movies in the competition over on eurOut.

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A tip for German readers: The current issue of German magazine “Gala” has an article about Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi in which their marriage is being described as one of the happiest in Hollywood. Though the article about “Hollywoods Power Duo” is not very informative and they even get some facts wrong, the pictures alone make it worth to take a look and maybe even buy it.

That’s it for this week. As always, let me know what you think in the comments.