Was ist “Rosalie & Co.”?

“Rosalie & Co.” ist – kurz gesagt – eine deutsche Infoseite über lesbische Frauen in den Medien.

Das Ziel der Seite ist es, Wissenswertes über lesbische Figuren und Handlungsstränge in Filmen, Fernseh- und Webserien, über lesbische und bisexuelle Frauen in der Öffentlichkeit (sog. “Celesbians”) sowie allgemein über die Wahrnehmung und Darstellung von Frauenliebe in den Massen- und Unterhaltungsmedien zusammenzutragen. Von “Calzona” über “Lady Pochoir” bis zu Dunja Hayalis Tattoos, die neuesten Infos hierzu findet ihr (hoffentlich!) von nun an bei “Rosalie & Co.”

(Und wer wissen möchte, wer eigentlich Rosalie ist, der liest jetzt gleich hier weiter…)

Warum eine neue Seite?

In den letzten Monaten habe ich intensiv darüber nachgedacht, was die Themen sind, über die ich schreiben und diskutieren möchte, und wie ich das am Besten umsetze. Mein Ziel war es dabei, insbesondere für die Themen aus den Bereichen Medien und Entertainment mehr Interaktivität zu ermöglichen und Euch – die LeserInnen dieses Blogs – mehr einbeziehen und insbesondere auch als “Informanten” gewinnen zu können.

Die Kommentarfunktion eines Blogs ist dafür leider nicht so gut geeignet wie ein Diskussionsforum. Die (ja auch gewünschte) Interaktivität und das Bilden einer Community, die durch ein solches Forum ermöglicht werden, passen allerdings nicht sehr gut zu einem persönlichen Blog, was dieser Blog aber ist. Das lässt sich allein schon am Namen festmachen – “mels” Blog, also mein Blog.

So entstand die Idee für eine neue Seite mit einem “neutralen” Namen: “Rosalie & Co.”

Das heißt aber nicht, dass es “mels blog” jetzt nicht mehr geben wird, ganz im Gegenteil. Dadurch, dass die eher informierenden Beiträge und Neuigkeiten zukünftig “ausgelagert” sind, bleibt mir hier mehr Raum, ein bißchen mehr “MeL” auszuleben und auch über Dinge zu schreiben, die zu den bisherigen Artikeln vielleicht gar nicht so richtig passen. Und da ich das Bedürfnis, in meiner Muttersprache zu schreiben, zukünftig intensiv bei “Rosalie & Co.” ausleben kann, wird es in diesem Blog voraussichtlich auch wieder ein bißchen “englischer” zugehen.

“mels blog” wird also weiterhin meine persönliche kleine Spielwiese im Netz bleiben, und ich würde mich freuen, wenn ihr auch weiterhin ab und zu mal vorbeischaut.

Nur vielleicht nicht unbedingt heute, denn dieser Tag gehört “Rosalie & Co.”

(Ach ja, und meiner Familie, mit der ich jetzt ein bißchen Geburtstag feiern werde.)

The movie is about a lesbian couple who has been together for almost 20 years and who raise two kids together almost as if it was the most normal thing in the world. As Dorothy Snarker describes it in her review: “They live a happy upper middle-class existence with a nice house and Volvo SUV.” So far even better.

Now add to that the fact that the couple is played by two Oscar-nominated actresses called Annette Bening and Julianne Moore, and you would think that all the lesbians in the world would squeal with glee, wouldn’t you?

Nic (Annette Bening, left) and Jules (Julianne Moore)

Well, they aren’t. Because during the course of “The Kids Are All Right”, one of the lesbians sleeps with a man.

I have to admit that when I first read about this particular element of the storyline, I was disappointed. Another lesbian who goes back to sleeping with men? How original. But then I read the first review of the movie, and it was full of praise. As was the next one, and the one after that, and almost every review I have read so far, and not just in mainstream publications like the New York Times, but even on specifically lesbian websites like Velvetpark and AfterEllen.

And then I started to read the comments posted under those reviews, and the discussions about the movie on Twitter, and – oh my!

I did expect lesbians to take offence at one of the women sleeping with a man. Anyone who knows a thing or two about lesbians and claims to not see the political aspect of this part of the movie or doesn’t expect a lesbian backlash is naive. (Sorry Lisa Cholodenko, but that’s how I see it.) But I’m utterly bewildered by how this discussion is taking place, by the intensity of the arguments and by the vehemence with which people condemn and dismiss a movie which – and that, to me, is the most incomprehensible part – the vast majority of them haven’t even seen!

And that’s when I started to ask myself: What are we so scared of?

One of the main complaints about this movie is that the filmmaker sold out to win over a mainstream, especially male audience, and that this mainstream audience will get the impression that it only needs the right man to turn every lesbian straight – a stereotype that most lesbians were confronted with and had to struggle against for ages. Would it be harmful for the lesbian community and its struggle for acceptance, if that was in fact the case? Yes, it would. Is it in fact the case? I have no idea, because I haven’t seen the movie. But the majority of those who have seen it tell me it’s not, so for now, I decide to take their word for it.

Another argument I have read is that in general, female homosexuality isn’t taken seriously, and that, by having the lesbian sleep with a man, the movie diminishes lesbian sexuality – lesbians don’t sleep with men, or they aren’t lesbians. Period.

First of all, I don’t think that it’s just female homosexuality and lesbian sexuality that is not taken seriously, it’s women and their sexuality in general. Also, I initially got the point of saying that a “real” lesbian would never sleep with a man. It’s what we have been trying to tell people for ages when being confronted with the above mentioned stereotype (“it only needs the right man”), and it’s what lesbians generally define themselves by.

But when I read this argument over and over again, the exclusivity expressed in this statement made me cringe, and I suddenly started to wonder if it’s not actually us and this line of argument that doesn’t take our own sexuality seriously. We prefer to love and sleep with women, that’s why we define ourselves as lesbians, but as grown-ups, we are free to love and sleep with whomever we choose, and if one day that’s a man, it should be up to us whether we will stop defining ourselves as lesbians or not.

Last but not least, an argument that actually saddens me is that American lesbians – especially the one who made the movie as well as the ones who wrote positive reviews about it – just don’t get it. Silly me, here I thought that lesbians all over the world have to deal with the same stereotypes. I didn’t expect this to be a “Who is the better lesbian” contest.

As I have mentioned before, yes, it does bother me to know that one of the lesbians in the movie sleeps with a man, and I think that it is important to point out the possible impact a storyline like that can have and to have a discussion about that storyline, the movie in general and how the lesbian characters are being portrayed. I just wish that people would actually go and WATCH THE MOVIE before condemning it.

And I wish that lesbians would finally stop being so scared, but instead be out, proud and self-confident and realize that nobody can take that away from us unless we let them.

Ich habe mich deshalb entschieden, heute mein eigenes kleines Zeichen zu setzen und mich endlich meiner eigenen, tief verinnerlichten Homophobie zu stellen. Lange habe ich mich dagegen gewehrt und behauptet, es sei nicht so, aber es wird Zeit, den Tatsachen ins Auge zu sehen und es endlich zu akzeptieren:

Ich bin schwul.

Das wird Euch jetzt wahrscheinlich etwas überraschen. Mich hat es auch überrascht, schließlich dachte ich immer, ich sei lesbisch. Das bin ich auch, aber eben auch schwul.

Nicht, dass ich mich dafür entschieden hätte. Schwul zu sein ist schließlich keine Wahl, das sucht man sich nicht aus, das ist man einfach. Oder genauer gesagt: Mann ist das einfach. Bei Frauen ist das etwas komplizierter. Die entscheiden das natürlich auch nicht selbst. Für die wird das einfach entschieden, und zwar von den Medien.

Dort verwendet man das Wort „schwul“ mit schöner Regelmäßigkeit nicht nur für männerliebende Männer, sondern als Oberbegriff, der die frauenliebenden Frauen eben auch irgendwie erfasst. Und so gehe ich seit Jahren auf „Schwulenparaden“, setze mich für „Schwulenrechte“ und gegen „Schwulenhass“ ein und freue mich, irgendwann eine „Schwulenehe“ eingehen zu können. Und erst gestern fragte Welt Online, ob die „Schwulen mit der Emanzipation am Ende“ seien, um dann im Text doch noch ein paarmal das Wort „lesbisch“ einzustreuen.

Nun möchte ich den entsprechenden Autorinnen und Autoren nicht unterstellen, sie seien der deutschen Sprache nicht mächtig und würden den Unterschied zwischen schwul und lesbisch nicht kennen. Wahrscheinlich unterliegen sie einfach ganz praktischen Zwängen. Immerhin ist das Wort „schwul“ so schön kurz und knackig und passt besser in die Schlagzeile. „Homosexuell“ ist ja irgendwie auch viel länger, außerdem klingt das so klinisch, und der Wortteil „sex“ geht bestimmt nicht durch den Spam-Filter der Redaktion. Oder so. Und die Frauen – na ja, die sollen sich mal nicht so anstellen, die sind natürlich mitgemeint.

Bei allem Verständnis – ein gewisses Störgefühl bleibt da schon. Schließlich würde doch auch niemand auf die Idee kommen, nur weil das Wort „deutschsprachig“ so lang ist einfach alle Länder im deutschen Sprachraum als „deutsch“ zu bezeichnen. Mal ganz davon abgesehen, dass das schon aus historischen Gründen nicht ganz unproblematisch wäre, hätten die Österreicher und Schweizer dagegen wohl erhebliche Einwände, und zu Recht.

In der englischen Sprache ist das einfacher.  Dort gibt es das Wort „gay“, was zwar hauptsächlich eine Bezeichnung für schwule Männer ist, von Frauen aber ebenso verwendet wird. Man denke da nur an die berühmteste Coming-Out-Szene in der amerikanischen Fernsehgeschichte, in der Ellen DeGeneres alias Ellen Morgan „I’m gay“ in ein Mikrofon haucht und so versehentlich dem gesamten Flughafen von Los Angeles ihre Orientierung verkündet.

Aber so ein schönes Wort, das übrigens auch mit „heiter“ oder „fröhlich“ übersetzt werden kann, haben wir in der deutschen Sprache leider nicht, und so sind wir eben alle schwul. Weil es so schön einfach ist.

Vielleicht wäre es aber viel einfacher, wenn wir uns ganz von dieser Art von Labels lösen könnten, denn schließlich beschreiben sie doch nur eins, nämlich wen wir lieben. Statt nun zu sagen, dass ich schwul, lesbisch, bi oder hetero bin, könnte ich es auch einfach so sagen:

Ich liebe Frauen. Und das ist auch gut so.

In diesem Sinne: Happy IDAHO!

Yesterday, I watched “Julie & Julia”. Meryl Streep and Amy Adams in a movie directed by Nora Ephron, what more can you ask for? And if that wasn’t enough, the movie also tells the true story of two women who discover their passion and manage to change their entire life while pursuing it.

So, considering that I love Nora Ephron movies, that I think that Meryl Streep is among the best actresses, if not THE best actress of our time, and that I’m usually a sucker for that kind of inspiring, how-to-change-your-life storylines in movies, you would think that “Julie & Julia” now has a top spot on the list of my favorite movies, right?

Well, it doesn’t, and here is why. When the movie ended, there was one thing that really, really bothered me, that I felt was missing to make the ending a happy one, at least for me.

In the movie, Julia Child became an inspiration for Julie Powell, she became her hero. Julie Powell admired Julia Child and credited her for turning her life around, for helping her find a meaning in life. She described her like she knew her, and she talked about feeling like Julia Child was standing right beside her when she cooked, like she was looking over her shoulder.

Aside from the fact that those last statements sounded a little arrogant to me, it made me wonder why she never tried to get in touch with and get to know the “real” Julia? Julia Child was still alive when Julie Powell started to write her blog. In fact, we learn in the movie that she knew the blog, and didn’t like it. So why doesn’t Julie try to find out the reasons for Julia Child’s disapproval from herself, personally, instead of speculating with her husband?

Maybe the real Julie Powell did. Or maybe it wasn’t actually about the real Julia Child, but about an idea of her, an image that Julie Powell created for herself and that didn’t necessarily have to be realistic. Which is okay if it worked for her, but which is why the story doesn’t work for me.

When I left home to go to university, back in the mid-nineties, I suffered from a severe case of homesickness. One thing that would distract me from it, that made me feel less alone for at least half an hour every week, was watching a little show called “Ellen”. And even though it was an ensemble show, I especially watched it because of the woman who played the title character: Ellen DeGeneres.

A few years later, Ellen DeGeneres publicly announced that she is a lesbian on TV and on the cover of Time Magazine. Her openness helped a lot of people to come to terms with their sexuality, and I was one of them. I needed someone who I liked and admired to show me that it was okay to feel how I felt for another woman. Ellen did that and so much more.

And if that wasn’t enough, Ellen was even the inspiration for writing online and creating my very first website. Which means that if it wasn’t for her, I would probably not even have this blog that you’re reading at the moment.

So, to sum it all up: Ellen DeGeneres is my Julia Child. And even though she lives not only in a different country, but on a different continent, I dreamed of one day having the chance to see her in person. I wanted to know what she was like – not the actress, not the comedian, but the “real” Ellen.

Of course, I had my doubts. What if the woman who had become so important to me, so inspirational, wasn’t a nice person at all? Would I be able to deal with that? And why did it matter what she was like? Couldn’t I just let her actions and her art speak for herself?

I couldn’t, and I’m glad that I didn’t, because in the fall of 2007, I found myself in the audience of her talk show, with weak knees and butterflies in my stomach, face to face with my “Julia Child” – and she was like I had hoped her to be and so much more.

So that’s why personally, I didn’t find Julie Powell’s story so inspiring, at least when it comes to her relationship with her idol.

Because in that regard, I like my own story better.

Yep, I’m there — I was in the audience of The Ellen DeGeneres Show on October 2, 2007.
If you know me, see if you can spot me. If you don’t, maybe you can make a guess?

When I heard the news about last night’s shooting in a GLBT club in Tel Aviv, I was shocked and saddened. Then anger and frustration kicked in as well. As of now, we still don’t know who the shooter was and why he did it, but as there were reports that he also tried to attack a gay night club, it’s very likely that he specifically went after gays and lesbians and that it was a hate crime. And he didn’t just go after any gay and lesbian men and women, his targets were gay teenagers. Accordingly, one of the two people killed was a 16-year-old girl. Some of the teenagers in the group supposedly weren’t even out to their families, making them one of the most vulnerable groups among GLBT people. How much of a threat can they actually be, and to whom, that they deserve to be shot and killed?

I know that there will never be an answer to that question that will make what happened comprehensible for me. Hate rarely is rational, it doesn’t work that way. Why hate somebody who has never done you any harm? Why attack somebody whose only “crime” it is to be different?

I think that what’s usually behind hate is, more often than not, ignorance and fear. Fear of the unknown, of all things different from the respective person and their perception of what is normal. And I believe that the key to change this is visibility and openness.

Last night was the kick-off to this year’s Pride Week in Hamburg, which will culminate in next weekend’s Pride Parade. This year, more than ever, I feel the urge to be part of the parade, part of the community, to be out and proud, and to send the message that the ongoing discrimination, injustice and even violence directed at the GLBT community is unacceptable. Not just because of the tragic events in Tel Aviv, but for so many reasons. Be it the growing number of homophobic attacks against gay and lesbian couples in Berlin. Be it the ineffable homophobic agenda pursued by politicians in Eastern Europe, like Poland and Lithuania. Or be it the derogatory discussions about whether gay and lesbian couples can be good parents.

Of course, we will probably not be able to convince those whose hate is deeply rooted within them. But we can still try. And we can increase the number of people who won’t tolerate or even accept the hate, the violence and the discrimination against members of the GLBT community once they understand that being gay or lesbian isn’t just about sleeping with a person of the same gender or about being different, but that it’s about love.

There’s a line from the movie “If These Walls Could Talk 2” that I think best reflects the message that I would like to send to all the homophobic, hateful, or maybe just fearful people out there. When Fran (Sharon Stone) has second thoughts about having a child with her partner because all of the teasing and social marginalization their child might have to deal with, Kal (Ellen DeGeneres) tries to calm her by telling her that all that matters was their love for each other:

“It’s all from love, how can that be wrong?”

It can’t. Period.

The picture in this article was posted on the “Join the Impact” website as a protest sign against Proposition 8, the proposition against marriage equality in California. My heart goes out to the victims of the horrible attack in Tel Aviv and to their relatives and friends.

(Posted on eurOut on August 2nd, 2009)

As her friend, I’m of course curious and can’t wait to get to know the woman who won her heart. And here’s the catch: Officially, I’m not even supposed to know about her. Anna’s girlfriend doesn’t want anybody to know about the relationship, because she’s not “out”.

A few years ago, I had a conversation with another friend of mine about whether we would consider a relationship with someone who isn’t “out”. His response was simple and clear: “No way.” Back then, I was surprised by the forcefulness of his reaction. Now, a few years and some not so good experience later, I can understand him much better.

The process of coming to terms with your sexuality is a very personal one and not always easy. Everybody should be able to take the time they need, nobody should be forced to come out of the closet before they’re ready to do it.

But then again, nobody should be forced to stay or even go back into the closet, either. And that’s exactly what happens when you’re in a relationship that your girlfriend doesn’t want anybody to know about. You’re forced to keep silent about it, maybe even lie about it. And believe me, if the woman you just had a very good time with starts to panic the minute she gets out of your bed and tells you “Nobody must know!”, it doesn’t actually make you feel very good. Or, to be more precise: It sucks!

Of course, as always, things aren’t just black or white. There are various reasons why a woman might want to keep her relationship with another woman a secret. For example, to me, if she knows what she wants (which is me and only me!) but is not ready to come out just yet, it seems easier to deal with than if, for whatever reason, she rules out coming out altogether. In the former case, it’s just a matter of time before we can be open about the relationship. In the latter case this time will most likely never come.

Also, how we deal with a situation like that depends on where we are in our life. I have been out for more than a decade now, and being forced to go back into the closet would be unbearable for me. My friend Anna, however, just came to terms with her sexuality herself and isn’t out to a lot of people yet. She and her girlfriend now have the chance to take their baby steps out of the closet together.

Which I hope they do sooner rather than later. Not just for Anna and her girlfriend’s sake, but also for mine.

Otherwise, I might just burst with curiosity.

*For obvious reasons, I had to change Anna’s name. The title of this column refers to the song “Secret Love” by Doris Day.

Since last weekend, the term “going green” took on a whole new meaning, one that isn’t related to Al Gore and climate change. Changing the colour of your Twitter avatar to green means that you support the thousands of people who take to the streets of Iranian cities daily to protest the outcome of last week’s presidential elections, which they claim was rigged. Most protesters wear something green, like signs and shirts that ask “Where is my vote?”, and green has become the colour of the protest movement in Iran and their supporters around the globe.

Protest in Hamburg, Germany (Picture: Welt Online)

When more and more of my Twitter friends started to change their avatars, I had mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I was outraged by how the Iranian government is dealing with the protests: banning them, threatening protesters with imprisonment and even violence, shutting down communication systems, and banning journalists from reporting about the protests. On the other hand, I didn’t want to fall into the trap of only judging from my western, European perspective and wanted to make sure that I didn’t support something or someone I wouldn’t usually support.

One of the key figures of the protests is Mir Hossein Moussavi, a former Iranian Prime minister and the most promising – and by now most prominent – opponents of current Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Green was the colour of his campaign, and most of the protesters supported him during the campaign. In the last couple of days, some people have compared Moussavi and his campaign to Barack Obama’s 2008 presidential election campaign. A lot of people hope that, if Moussavi became president of Iran, things would change and the country would become more liberal.

In fact, Moussavi has announced that he intends to improve the relations with western countries, end corruption and even get rid of laws that discriminate women. But he also made it clear that he never wanted to change the system per se – Iran would remain an Islamic state, a state in which, as of today, homosexuality is viewed as a crime under pain of death. Under Moussavi, it would most likely still be the regime that, in the movie “Fremde Haut”, the lesbian Fariba had to flee from because she had a relationship with another woman. Moreover, it seems adequate to assume that even a lot of the protesters agree with the ban on homosexuality and think that homosexuality is a sin that deserves punishment.

So if I decided to “go green” anyway, it’s not because I particularly support Moussavi or because I hope that, if the protesters succeed, things in Iran will all of a sudden get better, especially for homosexuals. But I believe in democracy and freedom of speech as a basic human right, and that people aren’t allowed to peacefully protest the outcome of an election, especially if there’s a strong indication that it was indeed rigged, is unacceptable to me. Watching the unsettling pictures and videos that were somehow smuggled out of Iran and that show the violent escalation of protests this past weekend during which at least 19 people were killed and many more wounded only affirmed my decision to show those fighting for their rights on the streets of Tehran and other Iranian cities my support by “going green”.

Even if some of them wouldn’t support my protest for equal rights.

If you want to “go green” as well, log into your twitter account and go to http://helpiranelection.com/. A good source for current updates on the situation in Iran and some background information is Huffington Post and their Live-Blog.

Posted on eurOut on June 24th, 2009

The same certainly applies for what we consider as hot or sexy. It depends on the culture we grew up in, the way we live today, the images we are being presented with every day, and of course our own personal taste.

Still, every spring we’re being presented with tons of lists which tell us who the most beautiful or sexy people in our country or even the world are supposed to be. Just last month, U.S. magazine People came out with their annual “100 Most Beautiful People” list. And only a few weeks later, German newspaper Bild proclaimed “Die 100 erotischsten Frauen Deutschlands” (Germany’s 100 most erotic women; read Natazzz’ take on the list here). Unlike People, Bild at least limited the list to Germany. Dear People magazine editors, do you really think that the most beautiful people in the world are almost exclusively Americans? Don’t you think that’s a little – what do they call it? Oh yes: arrogant?

Instead of letting their editors decide, thereby giving their lists the semblance of objectivity, other magazines and websites ask their readers and users to vote for the most beautiful/sexy/hot people. Like AfterEllen.com, whose annual “AfterEllen.com Hot 100” list has become one of the website’s most treasured features. And only last week, FHM magazine published a list of “The Sexiest Women in the World 2009” as voted for by their German and predominantly male readers.

One of the major prejudices about lesbian women is that they’re just like straight men, especially when it comes to taste and interests. After all, just like straight men, lesbians love women, don’t they? Accordingly, a list of the sexiest women in the world voted on by straight men should be very similar to a list voted on by lesbians, shouldn’t it?

Unsurprisingly, it’s not. In fact, there are only very few overlaps. The highest ranking woman who can be found on both lists is actress Megan Fox. But while for the men, she’s among the Top 10 of sexiest women, she’s only No. 32 on the AE list. On the other hand, there are only two women of the AE Top 10 who even made it on the FHM list – Lena Headey (AE: 3, FHM: 34) and Tina Fey (AE: 7, FHM: 83).

Lena Headey (left) and Tina Fey (Pictures: fhm-online.de)

There are various reasons as to why the lists are so very different. As I wrote in the introduction, our perception of what’s hot and what’s not is influenced by what we see every day. AE readers certainly watch different movies and TV shows and read different magazines and websites than FHM readers. I have to admit that I don’t even know a lot of the women on the FHM list, even though they’re German, because I don’t watch the programs they’re on. And the average FHM reader probably doesn’t know “The L Word” and hasn’t seen “I Can’t Think Straight”, otherwise the FHM list would certainly have included Jennifer Beals or Lisa Ray.

Jennifer Beals (left) and Lisa Ray

More significantly, women both gay and straight in general have a very different perception of eroticism and sexiness than men. Whereas men usually want the “naked truth” and as little clothing on a woman as possible, most women prefer images that don’t unveil everything at once, but leave room for their own imagination. That’s why a lot of women aren’t turned on but are rather appalled by the bluntness presented in porn magazines or porn movies.

Furthermore, it seems that for straight men, a woman just can’t be sexy anymore if she’s a lesbian. What other conclusions could be drawn from the fact that there are no out lesbians on the FHM list, even though there are a lot of sexy and hot openly lesbian women out there by now? Portia de Rossi, who took the top spot on the AE list, is certainly known to straight German men as well. And before she came out, TV host Anne Will had once been voted sexiest woman on television by the male readers of another German magazine. Now, she’s No. 11 on the FHM list of “Unsexiest Women in the World 2009”

Anne Will (Picture: fhm-online.de)

To give the guys some credit, even the readers of FHM don’t agree on their various choices. For example, Britney Spears, who didn’t make it on the AE list, is among the Top 10 in both the list of sexiest (No. 9) and “unsexiest” (No. women. And even though enough FHM readers actually think that vice-presidential candidate and hockey mom Sarah Palin is sexy, placing her on No. 28 on the sexiest women list, even more think the exact opposite of her (No. 10 on the “unsexiest” list).

So if beauty and sexiness actually are in the eye of the beholder, and our tastes are so different, what are all the lists good for? Well, for one, it will be interesting for sociologists and anthropologists in upcoming ages to look at those lists and draw conclusions as to what the ideal of beauty of our time was and how much it differed in various groups of society.

But most importantly, the lists are a great excuse for editors and columnists all over the world to write articles about and post pictures of hot women.

This eurOut columnist included.

Posted on eurOut on June 7th, 2009

Don’t worry. It’s not that I question my sexuality, or that I intend to switch teams. I don’t. I like women, and that’s probably not going to chance any time soon, if at all. It’s just that this week, I somehow wasn’t very interested in specifically lesbian topics. Which isn’t very helpful if you’re a columnist for a website that covers specifically lesbian topics.

When I came out, I was eager to read up on everything that was only slightly related to lesbianism. I watched every TV show and every movie that had a lesbian storyline. Verbotene Liebe, Marienhof, Lindenstraße, Relativity, Buffy, Bound, Claire of the Moon, Desert Hearts, The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love – you name it, I watched it. I started to listen to k.d. lang, Melissa Etheridge and Indigo Girls especially because they were lesbians. And of course, for a while I was only interested in reading lesbian books.

That’s probably something that most people go through when they first come out. It was a quest to find my identity as a lesbian, to find something that I could relate to, especially because I didn’t know any other lesbians back then. I have to admit that I even started to watch women soccer, if not only, but also because there’s such a high percentage of lesbian players. (The other reason might be that some of these women are incredibly hot. Oh yes, and the German team is actually very good.)

After a while, I started to loosen, and even allowed CDs by other, non-lesbian artists to be played in my stereo. Still, I tried to stay informed about every lesbian storyline on TV or in the movies, and tried to read all of the relevant literature. (Yes, I did read Rubyfruit Jungle, and no, I didn’t particularly enjoy it.) That’s why I was delighted when, back in 2002, I came across a brand-new website called AfterEllen that, through the following years, would provide me with everything that I needed to know about lesbians in entertainment and the media, and does so to this day.

For the last couple of years, though, it seems that the need for my regular dose of lesbian storylines or news stories has decreased and comes and goes in waves. And this week I definitely experienced a low tide. I refrained from buying a lesbian-themed movie because I suddenly felt that for now I had already watched more than enough lesbian storylines. When a friend asked me whether I wanted to visit an exhibition about the treatment of gays and lesbians by the Nazis, I declined. And I got much more upset about what happened to Starbuck on Battlestar Galactica this week than about Erica Hahn’s departure into the night aka to the parking lot on Grey’s Anatomy. (Hint: We’re currently watching the last episodes of season 3 of Battlestar Galactica. If you already know that season, you know what I mean.)

Still, I’m not worried about this; I even consider it to be a good sign. To me, it means that I can now find in my daily life what I had been looking for in the TV shows, movies and books. I know who I am, as a person as well as a lesbian, and I don’t have to look for role models anymore.

And of course, I will continue to watch lesbian storylines on TV and in the movies. After all, I’m both an entertainment nerd and a hopeless romantic, and seeing a well constructed love story with two women will always be able to melt my heart.

The only thing that I’m a little worried about is being able to come up with topics for this column.

On the other hand, it worked this time.

To me, attending the annual gay pride parade in my hometown has an additional meaning. It also means that at least once a year, surrounded by tens of thousands of gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered people, I don’t feel like part of a minority group. At least once a year, I can be part of a large community, a community that’s alive and powerful.

I tend to forget how lucky I am to now live in a city where there’s a lively and diverse gay and lesbian culture. I don’t have to drive for a few hours to get to the only lesbian bar in the area. I don’t have to depend solely on the internet to get in touch with other lesbians. I can be part of the LGBT community if I want to, but I can also choose not to get involved with other gays and lesbians. A lot of people don’t even have that choice.

I was reminded of that a few weeks ago, when I told a friend about a gay and lesbian street fair that I intended to go to the following weekend. She said that she wished that there was more of a LGBT culture where she lived, which is a mid-sized town in the upper Midwest of the United States of America. And I can totally relate to her.

At the time of my coming-out, I was studying law in a mid-sized college town in Northern Germany. There was one gay bar in town, but it was mostly frequented by men, and there was another bar that had “women’s nights” once a week. From time to time, there were so-called “women’s parties”, but the women I met at those parties didn’t really make me feel at home. A lot of them looked and acted very aggressively, and some were still longing for the good old days of the feminist movement. I remember telling a friend back then that I was getting desperate – if all lesbians were like that, how would I ever get to know one I could fall in love with?

A little later, I watched the broadcast of the biggest gay pride parade in Germany, the Christopher Street Day Parade in Cologne, on TV. I saw a diverse crowd, hundreds of thousands of people on the floats and along the streets, looking like they felt at ease with themselves, being out and proud. I desperately wanted to be there.

That’s why, when I attended my first pride parade about a year later, it meant the world to me. And when I attended the first LGBT party in the much bigger city I moved to after graduation, I was relieved by the diversity of the people there. Especially the women. I finally felt at home.

I know that there are a lot of people out there who’s only chance to feel like part of the broad and diverse LGBT community is by attending the gay pride parade in the city that is nearest to them once a year. To me, that’s one of the reasons why we still need to have these parades. It’s not just for the political message. It’s also for all the individuals who, at least once a year, want to feel at home.

With that in mind, I hope that all of you have the chance to be out, proud and visible this pride season. And of course, don’t forget to have fun.

Pictures: www.welt.de

Posted on eurOut on May 10th, 2009