Just a Word?
We have different looks, different voices, different interests, we want different things in life. I, for example, always wanted to have my own regular column.
I like reading columns, just like I like reading letters to the editor or commentaries. I’m interested in people’s opinions, to see whether they’re the same as mine or maybe – you guessed it – different. Some columns I have read were very entertaining, some hilarious, but the best ones were the ones that struck a chord with me and made me think about them long after reading them. That’s what I wanted to be able to, too: to share my thoughts and opinions on what I think is noteworthy and – hopefully – give people something to think about.
Someone once told me to be careful with what I wish for because it might come true. So, here I am now, with my own column, just like I wanted it, and this is where the trouble starts – what do I actually want to write about?
There are certain topics that I could write about endlessly, articles, essays, even books. Ellen DeGeneres, for example. The woman is smart, charming, still very sexy even at 50 and very, very funny. But how thought-provoking could my gushing about hot, attractive Ellen be? (Okay, stop it, I don’t necessarily want to provoke THOSE kind of thoughts, after all, the woman is married!)
As I’m sure that there will be plenty of other occasions to write about Ellen even on eurOut – as my favourite chief editor said, “there’s always room for Ellen” –, in my first column, I wanted to write about something else, something that might seem banal at first look but turns out to be a noteworthy incident.
It was my doctor who finally provided me with the subject matter for this column. The other week, during treatment, he suddenly asked me whether there’s a different word for “lesbian”. In my mind, I immediately replaced “a different” with “a nicer” – is there a nicer word for “lesbian”?
Is there? And what is wrong with the word “lesbian” that I immediately had this thought? Is there anything wrong with it at all?
During the process of coming out, I often asked myself whether there’s a nicer word for “lesbian”. I simply didn’t like the word, I never used it when talking about me, and I know that a lot of women felt and still feel the same way. Not even Ellen,my hero, uses the word “lesbian”, but says “gay” instead. But what is it about this word? Is it because it sounds so sterile, or because the word “lesbian” is constantly being used as a slander word?
When I tried to explain to myself and others why I didn’t like the word, I usually said that I didn’t want people to define me only through my sexuality, that I didn’t want to be pegged as someone I didn’t feel I was. And even though I now think that back then, I felt uncomfortable with the word mainly because I still felt uncomfortable with myself as a lesbian, even then I might have had a point. Back in the early 90s, there weren’t a lot of role models and only a few out lesbians I knew about, like Martina Navratilova and Hella von Sinnen (a German comedian who’s usually very loud and shrill), and I had nothing in common with them and – even more important – didn’t want people to think that I was like them. I was different from them, but to me, using the word lesbian would have implied that I was like them.
So the reason why a lot of women don’t like the word “lesbian” might be because there are so many clichés about lesbians, and they’re usually not very flattering. Because we’re all different. We have different looks, different voices, different interests, we want different things in life. The only thing that we all have in common is that we love women.
And that’s actually what my doctor, who totally caught me off guard with his question, and I settled for – that I love women. Yep, I do, just like a lot of other people do, too.
Seems like in this regard, I’m not so different after all. 
What do you think about the word “lesbian”? Do you use it? If not, why? And is there a different word in your language that you prefer to describe yourself as? Write a comment and let me know.
